The Adrenal Fatigue Fix

Ramblings

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Today I was scared by the level of rage I could feel. A simple trigger as not being able to manage my kids to play without fighting and screaming like mads, drove me into the scariest of the rages I’ve ever experienced.

While I was aware that all the ruminating in my mind about being a failure as a parent will push me deeper into depression, I just couldn’t stop. So, I ended up having a miserable day despite the sunny day outside. 

It made me think more about the “purpose” … about how we can succeed as parent, about what chemical imbalances are involved into the mechanism of depression. For now, I can’t tell that I found my way nor the purpose. It will be for the psychologist to shed some light into creating some stops for the destructive ways my mind creates.

It goes like that: there is a trigger and I don’t press the right buttons to make everybody happy, then I start feeling angry, very angry about something or someone or even myself. In the end, I feel crushed by the responsibility I carry for my  special children. I feel guilty, I feel a failure and I feel like dying … but I’m well aware that dead isn’t an option for me. I’m not allowed escaping … It looks like I’m trapped forever into this perfect life. … at times I just don’t know what to do.

I refuse stubbornly depression medication due to its side effects and ineffectiveness, though some times I do feel like hiding inside somewhere … or running crazy without looking back. I’m probably a very unbalanced person.

There is this feeling of the bottom of every low human emotion. The most annoying is probably the feeling of no passion, no desire, no hope. I used to be such a passionate person with a huge love for life itself. Now, when I am blessed with much more than other people have, I just feel like a failure. I’m just empty.

I tried to go inside myself to find what is broken and fix, but inside me is just dark and cold. It was nothing there, nothing I could see, just myself alone and cold. That’s when I stopped meditating.

 

 

About adrenal fatigue – Ramblings

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My most difficult task is to slow down.

I mean, it’s not so difficult to slow down, the most difficult thing is to stop longing to achieve lots and lots of things.

After about 2 years of trial and errors with my health I came to the conclusion that I need to stop the cortisol and adrenaline rush to be allow my body to recover from the prolonged stress it went through.

I still have the feeling at the end of the day that I have not achieved anything that day (even if caring for 3 preschool and school children, with various health issues, is quite a task in itself).

I still have to force myself to limit my “screen” time and especially to limit it 1.5 – 2 hrs before going to bed.

I still have to use all my “force” to convince myself to go to sleep at 9.30 (for a 7.30 wake-up) to be able to achieve my 10 hours sleep a night.

I still have to be extremely disciplined to avoid getting 20 books from the library (which really stresses me out) at once.

I am just doing my best!

 

 

 

 

First day on recovering from adrenal fatigue path

 

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I definitely felt a difference after 10 hours of sleep.

The morning was much more smooth with no upsets or rushing feelings.

However, afternoon caught me. I felt just my old me, dead tired.

Well, I didn’t expect a huge difference from a night of 10 hours sleep. I’m happy I’ve seen some difference so I’ll keep going.

The most difficult thing for me to do is to unplug myself from DOING. Even when I’m resting I’m DOING something … watching a movie, reading, etc. Or, worst, I’m craving sweets lots of sugar. …

Adrenal fatigue – my attempts to fight it

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I have tried to place myself into the normal range of population by attempting to sleep 7-8 hours a night. It finally became obvious for me that 7-8 hours a night it’s not enough. Not for me. Who says I am a normal person? Given the extraordinary levels of stress I have been living through in the last 5 years … I think I’m far from being a person with a normal health. I’m pretty sure I have moderate to severe adrenal fatigue.

So, here it is I’ll do my best to put 10 hours of sleep into my schedule for the next 30 days and see what will happen.

Along with my other trials and errors in relation to supplements and exercise I’ll have some conclusions in the following months.

I’ll keep posting my progress, my failures and my successes.